Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
