it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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