So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
