her vagine was all disorganized.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
