I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
