The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
