she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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