dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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