I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
operation have a gay friend backfired
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
