You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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