census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
