FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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