I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
