You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
