that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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