He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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