he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
