I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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