508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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