this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
