Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
