I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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