well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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