awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
