It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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