They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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