Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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