Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
