I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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