Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
