what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize