he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
