Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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