escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
