This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
