She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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