Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
