What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
