He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
