Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
