I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
