I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
