I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
