the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
