I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
