You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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