So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
