Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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