Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
