its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
