I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
