If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
