btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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