and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
