She said her name was "party"
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize