Buhtt sex?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
