So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
