You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
