Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my liver is dry heaving
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
