I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
handjob tips. give me some.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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