I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
