nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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