I never want to see another naked old woman again.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
