Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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