Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
