You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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