wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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