JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
