its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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