Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
